


Déjà Vu

by Mareel



Series: Dawn [5]
Category: Star Trek: Enterprise
Genre: Alternate History, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Episode Related, Episode: s03e07 The Shipment, Episode: s03e08 Twilight, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Season 3 related
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-18
Updated: 2014-07-18
Packaged: 2018-02-09 10:21:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 467
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1979169
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mareel/pseuds/Mareel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The conflict within.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Déjà Vu

**Author's Note:**

> This is an alternate history AU based on the premise that the Xindi destruction of Earth (in "Twilight") did happen, and there was no temporal reset. It takes place not long after [Solace](http://archiveofourown.org/works/918538), after Jonathan's brain injury has been successfully treated. It is Malcolm's voice.

 

__________________________________________________

 

"I was having a horrible… nightmare, I guess. Felt so real though….”

Jonathan’s voice is roughened by his ragged breathing as he wakes abruptly. This is all too familiar to me, and I pull him closer to me in bed and try to calm him. “It’s not real, Jon. You’re safe here… try to relax… breathe. That’s it. Deep breaths.”

He burrows closer yet and rests his cheek against my chest. His heart is still racing, but I can feel him slowly relaxing. 

“Malcolm… they blamed me. Trip said Starfleet ought to court-martial me… if there was anything left of Starfleet, that is. After I let the Xindi destroy Earth.”

I stroke my fingers through his greying hair, letting him talk it out. 

“I told them I accepted the responsibility. It was my mission to stop the Xindi, and I failed. But Trip wouldn’t let it go. He started telling me that if I hadn’t been so ‘hell-bent on cooperating with the damn bastards’ we could have destroyed that kemosite factory and maybe kept them from finishing the weapon.” 

At this point, I have to stop the self-recrimination. I turn so that I can see his face, his haunted eyes. “Jonathan. Stop it. That was a nightmare. It didn’t happen that way. You weren’t the cause of the destruction – your memory was already impaired by the time it happened. No one threatened a court-martial. Trip didn’t tell you that you should be in the brig…”

“Wait! How do you know that part? I didn’t tell you that part of the dream yet… So maybe it DID happen and you’re trying to spare me? Don’t do that… please, just be honest with me.”

I take his face between my hands, needing to make sure my words cut through the torment. “Jonathan. I’ve always been honest with you. You’ve always trusted me – trust me now. It never happened like that. I know about it because you’ve had this nightmare before… several times. Sometimes it even woke you up and you told me about it. But by morning all memory of that was gone along with everything else.”

He nods, finally understanding. He turns his head enough to kiss one of my hands, and then wraps his arms around me. “I’m so sorry, Malcolm. I put you through so much that I will never remember. Thank you… for continuing to visit me even though you knew you might be in for rough nights.” 

I’m the one being comforted now. He has always been the strong one, wanting to take care of me when I was injured or hurting. “I never considered abandoning us. This is where I belong.”

This time he will remember all of this in the morning. And maybe it will help him begin to heal.

__________________________________________________

 

**Author's Note:**

> Prompted by the lyrics from "Parachute" - Ingrid Michelson
> 
> “ _Don’t believe the things you tell yourself so late at night, and you are your own worst enemy and you’ll never win the fight. Just hold on to me, I’ll hold onto you_ ”


End file.
